Lights Out

Well, the light I was waiting for faded and went out a month and a half ago. I miss the light in my life. His life is more confusing than mine, yet I can't help but think that things will work out no matter how many times he says that nothing will happen again. You can never know that. All people need it time. I haven't gotten to hear way too much and most of it I didn't want to hear, but that is what friends are for and that is what we have to be again first. Damn me for being such a good and trusting friend. Faith, Hope and Love are all I can have for right now. He needs to take care of his stuff and so do I. Time and love.

Time

I don't think there is enough time in the day to accomplish anything relevant to your life. Between two jobs, Best Buy and the Houston Chronicle, school (including the fall semester coming up) and a new apartment that is not decorated the way I want it I'm not quite sure which way is up. Money is the devil behind it all. Not having enough of it is where everything falls apart. Rent, electricity, cable, school, car, new apartment furniture, does it ever end? Will I ever get out of renting a place and get into a mortgage where I am not wasting my money every month into a place that will offer me no return? Investments is the key. I have one year in this place. God, GET ME OUT! Pity there is now way out of it early. My fault for signing a 12 month lease. Idiot once again. Men is another story. When I bring up marriage, it's like his balls crawl right up into him. I'm not allowed to bring up that subject, and i'm supposed to wait for him to approach me. My question is... will that ever happen? I'm not to sure about that. I really question that part of the relationship. I'm still going to buy the magazines because that is what girls do when they are my age and watching all of her high school pals get married and have kids. I'm not giving up, but that light at the end of the tunnel is not too bright. I'm a brick wall, no comment is heard and, well, not really cared about. That's not something new to me. I'm not giving up yet, I just need to see a light. Well, maybe I will see that light tomorrow.

Growing Up

Graduation is in 8 months and the job hunt has begun. I never thought I would say that I would have a B.A. in Journalism. It was always a goal to reach that time, but I never thought what it would feel like when it was almost here. What kind of job do I want? Can I really do this? I'm all grown-up and it's a very weird feeling. I have always been told that is was time to grow up, but I never thought it would be so soon. It was so hard for someone to believe in me which then made it hard to believe in myself. People believe in me now so I guess it helps. I guess the job hunt is on and the resumes need to go out. I don't want to leave my current job, but I can't work retail forever. I think I will go crazy.